Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
