A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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