Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
