Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
