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I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
