Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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