dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
