As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
