so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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