At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
