we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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