i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
