I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
