Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
