one two three fourrrrnication!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
