I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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