when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize