i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
