Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
