Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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