if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
