She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize