The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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