i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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