Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
