So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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