if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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