I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
