ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish you could order shots online.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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