If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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