i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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