Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there's paper in my vomit.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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