we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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