I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
