Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
