$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
