I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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