I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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