I hate your face
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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