Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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