i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
