did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
