Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
