he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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