I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
