Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
