No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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