They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
