i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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