its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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