Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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