the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
