and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
