hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am one with the molecules
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
