i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
