i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
