I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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