I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
ttyl tear gas
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
