She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
