Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize