My Higher Power is John Stamos
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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