tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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