You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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