i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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