He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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