dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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