there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
