Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
