my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
