I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
