i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Less talking, more tequila
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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