I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
