my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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