I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
