I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Holy sore nipples Batman
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
